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Life changing book
This book has changed my life in the course of few weeks. And believe me - this is a huge statement coming from the biggest skeptic of self help propaganda...
Looking back to my life just few weeks ago - I burst out laughing! oh, what amazingly ridiculous future stories I created, the sad past events that I have relieved every day... judgment, binge eating, insecurities, guilt, tears, fights... what a wonderfully orchestrated misery was I living in - day in day out :)
did I get rid of every issue i had? of course not! but i'm looking forward to every upset in my future to do the work on it... now, when i get (rarely) upset, sad, angry there is instantly a little voice in my head saying "YAY! do you feel the intensity of that? oh this anger/jealousy/sadness is so AWESOME - can't wait to do the work!". so I cant even take my negative emotions seriously anymore - they are funny!
It is perhaps not for everyone. I have introduced it to my brilliant mother and she could not grasp it.
She had a very difficult time separating the concept of "truth" from "right and wrong", (as i did initially as well...)
But everything clicked when I understood what the work is asking. To me, the question is not asking "is this right or wrong?" it asks "look at the reality - what is it?"
for example:
"my partner is not supposed to cheat" ... is it true?... to me a better formulated question is "whats the reality of that statement?". And in this case "brutal" reality is that people cheat.
reality = Always have, always will
reality = some people do, some don't!
reality = monogamy is rare in nature!
reality = people cheat. plain and simple.
yeah, it's upsetting (initially) ! yes it's hurtful and annoying. But thats the reality!
The work is not asking - "do I think it's wrong or right for my partner to cheat?", it's not the question of morality, of values, of beliefs!... it's just is what is. When you separate "what is right and wrong" with "lets look at the reality, no matter how upsetting/disturbing/contradicting to our beliefs it is", let it sink in and inquire... something wonderful happens.
and don't try to "drop" the thought. it drops by itself once your inquiry is done.
so ask the right question... let the reality to sink in. it might hurt when you see that parents do not understand,that lover cheat, that loved ones die etc... inquire... turn around .. and start living. living is so much fun :)
"The Work" WORKS
I've only done "The Work" three times, but in each instance, the removal of pain, the perspective it gave me, the complete change in how I viewed the person and the situation -- and the return of my serenity -- all of these felt miraculous.
 Not for everyone.. some good ideas ..some bad
Byron Kaytie had a revelation one day while she was in de-tox. She calls this revelation the Work. The basis for the work is 4 questions and then turning them around.
I found most of these questions fine, and the turn around logical , but for people that have had severe trauma and abuse some of these things in the Work neggate what they have gone through.
It is a ok so so .. book just take the advice as not the gospel.
 I tried
I do believe that letting go of some of our expectations of others is an important part of bringing peace to our lives. I do believe that people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about things they can't change or might not even happen. I do think that careful introspection is helpful when we've accused others of doing something hurtful or wrong.
Still... Byron Katie would have you believe that nothing is true. You tell her, "My father beat me." "I lost a child." "My mother was a drug addict." "My cousin molested me." "My husband had an affair." And she will ask you if you know for sure that those things are true. And let me tell you, according to her, the answer is always, "no."
But let's say the answer is a big fat, "yes." Okay, then the next question would be: How do you feel when you think that thought? Well, when someone thinks about really upsetting, sad and damaging things that have happened to them - of course they feel anxious, stressed, sad, etc.
Then Katie wants to know who you would be if you dropped that thought. Now, here's where I can't get on board - how do you drop the thought that you were molested as a child, beaten - that you've lost someone you loved fiercely? Can a person just decide not to think about that anymore? Can you chalk the loss or hurt up to "just a thought?"
The kicker would be the final question - the turnaround. If you say, "My father should not have molested me when I was a child" - Katie will ask you to change the statement to one of the following:
"I should not have molested my father when I was a child."
"I should not have molested me when I was a child."
"My father should have molested me when I was a child." (In Katie's world - he should have done it, because he did.)
I understand that wishing the past had been different is fruitless. But asking these questions simply cannot apply to every painful situation. People are supposed to feel pain, fear, anxiety, loss. That's normal! It's not normal to have it consume your life or keep you from making good choices - but humans are hardwired to feel.
I don't understand why Katie believes that everyone should do what they are doing because that is what they are doing. If you tell her, "My husband should not use drugs" "My son should not disrespect me" "My neighbors shouldn't abuse their kids" or "My friend should keep her promises to me," Katie will tell you that you are wrong. People should only do what they want to do, what they are doing - until they stop doing it. In her world, you can't say, "My husband shouldn't hit me." She will ask you to turn that around into, "My husband should hit me" or "I should not hit me" (and then come up with some metaphorical way in which you are actually harming yourself.)
Please. People have feelings. And I can't live in a world where there aren't any absolutes or behavioral expectations. People should not abuse drugs. People should not steal. People should not be rude an inconsiderate. Husbands should not beat their wives or their kids. These are things I believe are true. No, Katie, I can't drop those thoughts.
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